You feel like you have the perfect schedule, sleep environment, and you’ve followed all the suggestions for setting healthy sleep habits, yet, your child takes a 20 minute nap. Now you’re stressed, have feelings of anxiety and are going over and over what you need to do differently to ensure their next nap is not short.

You decide to skip your family member's birthday party, because unfortunately it is during your baby's fourth nap. You prioritize sleep above all else and are generally unwilling to allow anything to interfere with your sleep schedule. This is not the first event you have skipped because of your baby’s sleep.

You are the only person who is “allowed” to do the sleep routine. You might think that if someone else does it, they will do it wrong or that your baby will not be able to sleep unless you are the one to put them to sleep. You excessively track sleep data. When something is different, you immediately try to fix it. You are unable to relax/sleep when your baby is sleeping because you are watching the monitor, more than just checking in on them.

If you find that you are consistently engaged in one or more of the scenarios above, you may be dealing with sleep perfectionism.

In short, sleep perfectionism is the idea that as the parent/caregiver you will not accept anything less than perfect when it comes to your baby’s sleep. Oftentimes, parents feel successful when their baby’s sleep looks similar day/day night/night. Any deviation from this often leaves parents with feelings of failure or anxiety. As a parent you may feel that you did your job well if you are able to get your baby to sleep, when in reality, it is only your responsibility to create and provide sleep opportunities, but it is up to your baby to then go to sleep. It is important to remember that your worth as a parent is not dependent on if your child sleeps well.

Having the feeling that you are less than if your child does not sleep well can lead to a cycle of you being constantly disappointed while also feeling your baby is doing something wrong.

Although you just may be noticing that you have feelings of anxiety around your child’s sleep, sleep perfectionism often has deeper roots. Before having your baby, you may have experienced perfectionist tendencies or anxiety in other areas of your life. You may not have been as aware of these tendencies/feelings but oftentimes they would have been present before having a baby. Knowing that there are underlying issues, it is important to receive some sort of help or support to heal and move forward.

When trying to manage your feelings around sleep, you can begin with talking to your partner, a friend or a trusted professional. An outside perspective may help to you to become more attuned as to where/when you started having anxious feelings and what the root cause is. If possible, try incorporating your partner to be part of the sleep routine. You can start small where they do one part and try to build up to them completing the entire sleep routine. Set limits as to how many times you will check the monitor. Maybe you try turning the video off and only having the noise feature on. There is no right or wrong way to help deal with sleep perfectionism. It is important though, that you become aware of your feelings and try to create a plan of how to move forward.

Your worth as a parent is not related to your child’s sleep. You deserve to enjoy the time you have with your child as the different stages of parenthood go by so quickly!

If you are needing help creating a healthy sleep foundation for you and your baby, a 15 minute phone consultation can be a great starting point in finding the help you need!